There isn’t much I actually give a shit about. I just laugh bullshit off.
My friends may like me around for their amusement. I say some incredibly dumb things, unintentionally. Usually when I try to explain something and my words lose me somehow. I have become simpler since high school days and I can Admit that. Not something I am Proud of. It is frustrating, gradually becoming dyslexic. unable to concentrate enough to make sure you have made no grammatical or punctual errors. Having such a bland circle of words I repeat to express myself(i.e Sweet, cool, awesome, rad, stoked, nice, aw yeah, aw oky doky, aw sweet as, aw yeah alright, that’s good etc) I cant keep an entertaining conversation alive to save myself. Effort becomes lacking and lost, even when conversing with someone I so badly want to talk with. I want my mind to explode with Questions to ask to learn and understand another human being. I want my mind to connect to my eyes and imagine vividness I have never seen before, I want creative structure back, I want my mind in busy with traffc of ideas consistently being invented. I want to want to learn more about every single story and word ever spoken. I want to actually give a shit about the world and the endless amounts of information that is available to me via Internet, book, from one person to the next.
I am in my own world. My universe. I have myself to worry about before I can stop to listen about the days events. I can Multi-task yet I cannot consume information like I once did, I cannot remember anything beside haunting memories or significant issues I live with day to day. I should start exercising again. That made me enjoy life a little more than I do right now.